At Their Mercy?
Is it fair for our special needs children to be at the mercy of the school? (Teacher, classroom, classmates, principals, district) Will personal aide help? The aide must have the right personality to work with your child. Your child chooses whom they feel comfortable with. Tommy can size up someone very quickly as to whether they care for him and whether he trusts them. One of his better qualities!! So if a personal aide would help Tommy then why can’t we qualify for one? I have asked several times over the years. He is capable of so much more, but I’ve always been told that it was funding but doesn’t that come from the state? I’ve also been told his behavior is not bad enough, which contradicts what you will read below...
What’s really happening…
Tommy can’t tell me what happens in the classroom. The staff tells you what they want you to know. Sometimes, I feel it’s just enough to try and pacify you. Other times maybe to cover the truth. We are just at their mercy-hoping what they say is truthful.
Is it really Behavior?
In the past they have called in behavioral specialist to watch Tommy and give them feedback on how to handle him should he react in a way that is unbecoming to them or at least that is the reason I was given. But the report does not depict my child... Unfortunately when I’m mad I cry (which make me even madder LOL) they read all this to me in my A.R.D. meeting and it was just too much... It was admitted to me that his reactions listed in the report were forced. They tried to get him to display bad behavior so the specialists would have something to work with. So this report that will stay in his school file for eternity makes him look like a MONSTER.
Push his buttons…
I don’t fear for Tommy’s safety, but I wonder if his “buttons” don’t get pushed purposely. I believe that picking your battles helps especially if you know in advance the end reaction. This is bullying no matter how you look at it... NO child should be handled this way, whether they are special needs or perfectly functioning children. Not to mention the learned habits/thoughts/actions being instilled in our children. They have enough different behaviors they are seeing / learning from other children in the classroom let alone to add more stress. We received a letter in the mail that cameras were being installed in the classroom but evidently they were not put in place to protect our children because I have been told by others that parents aren’t allowed to review them. So for those of us with nonverbal kiddos, we will NEVER know what really happens in the classroom.
Discipline… Responsibility
Don’t get me wrong I believe in discipline. Spare the rod and spoil the child – even a disabled child! But forcefulness is not the best way. Tommy doesn’t feel pain, so spankings generally don’t work on him. Tone and Looks do. We must be careful as God has given us our children to love, guide and teach. Not to tear down their spirit and self-esteem. Every child is different but sometimes you just need to step back, get on their level calmly and let them know what you’re requesting is not a choice. I realize that Tommy is not going to jump the minute I say jump. He’s either thinking ahead of me, because his mind is racing 24/7 or he is still processing my request. It takes special human beings to become teachers in this world today, especially teachers to meet the needs of these unique children. Patience is a virtue and we all need to continually pray that God will direct our actions/tongues and safe guard our children.
I apologize for the long read - but I know that there are many of you facing the same thing. I see it in the Autism support groups online. Venting, praying and sharing experiences help. Do they solve the problems, NO - but God knows what troubles our minds. Let’s continue to pray for each other and our children.
God Bless -
