Bathroom Issues, Hard Things To Talk About, And Finding Success in 2019
There have been a lot of hard times since autism came into our home. For Us, bowel movements have been the hardest. From holding them, screaming, hitting, being dirty six to seven times a day. It has just been rough. Tommy learned early and was successful urinating in the potty, but bowel movements were just years of failures.
Tried Everything -
In the last 10 years it seems that we tried everything. I knew that autistic children didn’t understand the concept of losing part of themselves. Things like haircuts, trimming fingernails and toenails were sometimes very stressful. And they were for us too, but we managed to work through the fear and he does allow those things to be done without too much fussing! We went through stages where he would hold his stool for days and sometimes weeks. His stomach would be so bloated and he would be cranky, not understanding why he didn’t feel good. We would then start a regiment of laxatives to eventually get some movement, but when they were large and painful, he would start this same process all over again.
After years of him being on laxatives all the time, his stool became very lose, messy and always in his pants. Leaking through to his outer clothes as well.
School Care -
Now with him approaching his teen years. My fears were focusing on school. The care he would receive, knowing that he would soil his pants and they would be having to change him. What would their attitudes be towards the situation, towards him. Luckily, his first years at the junior high he had a tremendous aide. Mrs. Ice, she was a God send! Such a blessing to us and to Tommy. She was willing to try methods with him. She was patient and loving to him. She told me that in her 25 years that she had success with potty training these older children. I truly believe that this started Tommy on his way! I believe he was finally to the point that his mind where he understood what we were requesting of him. If I fussed at him, he would repeat my words “poo poo on the potty, not your pants” He would still continue to scream or hit when he was told to go to the bathroom, but the understanding of the situation was there.
Praying for help -
Tommy is a loving boy, but make no mistake he is headstrong and likes his way, but he does feel remorse and does not like to see me disappointed in him. I had been praying for some time for help, strategy, answers that would help get this behind us before high school. Since patience is not my virtue, I was praying for that also!!
One night I as at my end… The dirty underwear changes were mounting up. This was ridiculous, I felt like I had an infant again. I took Tommy to the bathroom, knowing he was dirty. I got on my knees, eye to eye with him. Very sternly I spoke to him. “The next time you dirty your pants, I will spank you”. He repeated my words.
The following trips to the bathroom for the next couple of days, it was confirmed that he understood and remembered what I had told him. I have to tell you that we have gone from six to seven changes a day, to one to two changes a week. And there was only a couple times that I actually had to follow through with the spanking. '“SPANKING” in this case was a swot on the leg as he was sitting on the potty. And actually I think my tone and the look of disappointment on my face was worse than the swot!
Success and excitement -
For us, this is such a huge success. Tommy is so excited when he has his daily bowel movement. When he is with his grandparents, he will “woohoo” and say “call momma”! He wants me to know what a great thing he has done! And every trip with me now, he has to show me that he is not dirty:)
Our Story -
So this is our story. I am not telling you all of this because its a “how to” in solving your bathroom issues. No one knows what works for your child better than you. All though this has been ten long years, GOD IS NEVER OUT OF OPTIONS! For our kiddos or for us! There is always HOPE in teaching them certain things, or getting through to them on a life skill that will be so beneficial to their future.
I do not believe that my prayers were answer by God telling me to spank Tommy. I do believe that he prepared Tommy’s mind for this success and encouraged me to pray without ceasing and be willing to share with you this story of HOPE.
God Bless -
