PePaw's Flowers
Are you like me, a Daddy’s girl? Even as I approach 50 and him a year over 80, he would stop his world turning to do something for me. Some will/would call that spoiled. In many ways it was, but is was also a special bond that I never took for granted. A Love and support, a protection that I knew would last forever.
2021 began and I was so hoping for a better year. I would have never dreamed that this would be Daddy’s last here on earth. Dad still got around good and he and Mom were still active, but he has been through a lot of health scares since retirement. I feared that if he were to contract coronavirus that he may not could fight it off and survive. This is the very thing that happened…
When Daddy passed, the days following were as if I was living in a dream, a bad dream. We began to help Mom prepare to lay his body to rest. Let me just stop here and give praise to God for showing up in a mighty way as he promised he would. He provided a peace Mom needed. A peace my brothers and I needed and a peace that Heath and I needed as we had our family to prepare as well. Kahlyn and Dad were close; she spent a lot of time with Mom and Dad while Heath and I worked. I knew God would be there to comfort her and she would have Chris, her husband and us to lean on but what about Tommy? My heart was aching wondering how I would explain this to him and what his understanding would be. He has lost others but none this close before. He and Dad also had a bond. Dad played, wrestled (till Tommy was stronger than him!) and spent time outdoors with him. Building, planting, picking up sticks – it didn’t matter the task, just educating Tommy on the little things in life!
Autism and the understanding of death –
Dad passed on a Sunday morning. All of us siblings and our spouses were able to be there with Mom to make arrangements. Being unsure how Tommy would handle himself in this situation, we planned to leave him with family at our home. But Tommy knew something was different. Something was going on, something was wrong… He was not leaving our side! At the funeral home he was perfect. His senses amaze me and in trying times he is always calm, as he was this day and continued to be through this process. Dad had been in the hospital and we had all been quarantined since we were all getting over covid ourselves. Because of this, Tommy had not seen Daddy since his birthday celebration in January. He had not asked for Dad or questioned where he was and I think this is probably why. Monday came and my brother and I accompanied mom to finish things up at the cemetery and of course Tommy was with me. When we returned to her home he asked, “PePaw?” Mother just replied “no, he is not here.” With just a whine, this did seem to pacify him.
I so felt the very same way. Nothing in the past two days seemed real. It was more like Dad had gone on a fishing or hunting trip and would be back soon. It still doesn’t seem real writing this almost three weeks later. Raised to live and trust in the Lord, I know that Dad is in His presence and I will see him again one day. That still doesn’t mean that I don’t feel like his earthly body should still be sitting in his chair or greeting me with a smile and a hug! I am so glad that he has a heavenly body now and would never in selfishness want him to give that up for us… I know he will greet me again one day, what I would not give to hear, “Hey Dink” again!
We had an hour with Dad prior to visitation. Not knowing what kind of reaction to expect from Tommy, Heath and I just let him approach with us. He gently patted Daddy’s chest and ran his fingers through his hair. Dad’s hair was a little different and I am surprised that Tommy did not lick his fingers and try and lay it down for him!! LOL
Tommy spoke softly, “PePaw” and then some other words (that we could not understand!) Whether he was talking to Dad or to God, I may never know. But I do know that God was listening and comforting Tommy. Giving him the perfect understanding he needed. In route to the cemetery, we followed the hearse with Tommy saying “PePaw” all the way there. As the flowers were placed, Tommy said “PePaw’s flowers” and continues to refer and relate the two together. What a blessing this child is… A simple life he has! I am so thankful for what God does in and for his life.
I pray that you love your families and more importantly, make sure they know you love them. I hate that I will never hear Daddy call my name again, but his love and all the things that he taught me will live on forever in my life. I would not trade that for anything.
The love of my father…
an example of the love of our heavenly father…
that my friend, brings “joy in the morning”
God Bless –
