Singing, On purpose!

I love to sing!  My family loved to sing growing up.  Car rides, at church or around campfires, I have just grown up with a song in my heart!

I never knew how I would be affected if there came a time that I could no longer sing, until it happened…

With the turn of events that brought autism into our home, I was no longer able to sing.  Anytime I would, Tommy would cry.  How heartbreaking this was for me because I never knew why and I still don’t.  I sang through my entire pregnancy with him and even lullaby’s when he was an infant.  But just like all the other things that he began to do and things he no longer did, this also changed overnight.

So, I stepped out of choir at church for nearly ten years.  This was hard, but he needed me and his needs always came before mine.  I don’t know if it was slow songs, ballad style that made him feel sad and that is why he cried or if it was a high pitch that bothered him.  Maybe it was just bad and he was the only one that would express that to me!  LOL

Older got better

As Tommy got older, he began to tolerate singing a little more.  I began to sing in the car with the radio and he eventually would dance and move to the music with me.  I believe that he truly loves music and dancing, but I will save talking about his dancing for another time!!  LOL

In the next few years, probably around the age of 12-13, I would hear him singing in his bed before he would fall asleep.  Evidently Tommy has a song in his heart too!  Sometimes you could pick up on a tune because his pitch is pretty good but understanding what he was singing was not always possible.  I guess that his bedtime singing relaxes him, or maybe he is just remembering the last thing he heard on a movie during the day.  Either way it brings a smile to this momma’s face!

Reagan’s arrival

With the smallest little whimper or cry from this little one, Uncle Tommy is the first to immediately start singing to him.  He is doing his best to calm him and let him know that it is okay!  Once again the words are not understandable but the love is overwhelming.  For something that seemed to be pushed out of my life, God so graciously returned.

Singing for me was never about singing to people…  It was and is my relationship with God.  Here are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs. 

Praise Him on purpose!  Intimately when no one is around, when the lights are low and it is just you and Him…  Whether it is autism or some other struggle, God is there!

God Bless –

The stage is bare
The crowds are gone
The love we shared still lingers on
We sang and played and we laughed and cried
And in our tumbling way we tried
To say that only hearts can know
And all too soon we had to go
But now here in this darkened room
Just empty seats there's just me and you

It was so easy to call you Lord
When a thousand voices sang your praise
But there's no one to hear me now
So hear me now, be near me now

The stage is bare
The crowds are gone
Lord now the time I need your song
To give me joy and certainty
When no one else is watching me
I need you more than words can say
Tomorrow's such a daily day
And so I need to feel you then
Holding my hand
Please hold me then
I need you, Lord

 Sandi Patty