The Worst Feeling
For those of you that have been following along know that I am a mom to two children. One with autism and one without. When Kahlyn was an infant, she could not express what her needs were. As all mom do, I had to learn her. Some by instinct and some by her cries and actions. As she grew she could tell me what she needed and even more specifically if she was hurt.
For me, the worst feeling is knowing your child hurts but they cant tell you. From an infant with fever to an incident involving a special needs child. Tommy fell recently. His entire left side hit the floor except his head. Although he was not crying, he was grimacing and showing difficulty moving, walking, etc.
He has a very high tolerance to pain. We discovered this when he was younger. He was outside and got into fire ants. They covered him from the waist down in his pants and shoes and he never even whimpered with discomfort. He had bites all over.
With this recent fall, we found ourselves in the doctors office and then sent for x-rays for precaution. Thankfully nothing was broken or dislocated but he is still moving so slow. Getting up and down, stepping up and down and just bending over is still very uncomfortable. It just makes my heart hurt for him. I can rub it and I am keeping heat on it, but I can not get any explanation from him as if it is getting any better. Bless his heart, he just tells me “I’m sorry”, like it is his fault he fell.
Scared
We almost lost our daughter in a near drowning incident when she was nine years old. She went down in the pool and had to be resuscitated. Once awake, she was still not “back” It took 5 EMT guys to get her on a backboard and loaded into an ambulance. She was bleeding from her nose and ears and did not know who we were. She was scared and extremely violent. The CAT scan determined that there was brain damage and we were told that we were being flow by helicopter to Texas Children’s Hospital because they were not equipped to handle her locally. The next morning at TCH she came to and knew who we were again and answered a few questions about herself and her life. What a relief this was for us to have our girl back. All test came back fine and they determined that she must have had a seizure while in the pool. We monitored her for years making sure she had enough sleep and making sure that she didn’t skip meals, etc.
Strength, only He can provide
God gives us strength and it was very evident in our lives during this time. By the grace of God our girl lived to function the remainder of her childhood just fine. I’ve been taught all my life that God will never give us more than we can handle and that we should strive to never question why. I do believe that He gave Kahlyn back to us knowing that our new baby boy was going to bring us many more challenges in the years to come. He was just an infant when all of this unfolded.
So fast forward 13 years and the “worst feeling” is still the same! God gives us our children to raise and guide in love and we do our best. We want so much for them and we never enjoy seeing them hurt. Emotionally or physically. Being a parent is a hard job. We are their:
Protector
Attendant
Rule Maker
Encourager
Nurturer
Teacher
I hope that you continue to follow along. My purpose is to talk about things that are hard to talk about and show things we have gone through. I want you to know you are not alone. I felt very alone when Tommy was first diagnosed at three.
We all go through tough times. I encourage you to never give up. When you feel you’re at your lowest, take those feelings and let them make you stronger. Keep pressing on. Look to God for strength and guidance. He is our refuge.
God Bless -
